Food Poisoning/Stomach Bug-The New Model's Diet?

Okay...First off, sorry about the delay in writing. Tuesday night, after darts, I had a bad case of the stomach bug or food poisoning. BRUTAL.

To start it all off, I walked into darts on Tuesday (at our home bar, we were playing away that night), to greetings of, "Heya spunk drinker...Everyone stand back, he drinks spunk fluidly..."

Of course, I had to reply, "It was fluently...I drink spunk...fluently." To make things worse, I have a case of the ole cold sore... So now I'm a spunk drinker who has a blistering case of herpes on his lip (nice huh?).

Anyway, we (Seth and I) left earlier than usual that night. Something was not settling well with my stomach. Long story short...exploding at both ends (food poisoning or a stomach bug).

It's been two days since my incident, and I have lost about 7 pounds (Stef says nothing to worry about, probably water weight mostly). In one of my more twisted moments I thought, "Hey, what a great diet idea. Models would love it...7 pounds in 2 days. I should open a cafe..."

Now most of you would leave well enough alone with that thought. Not me. Always pushing the boundries here. As my still unsettled stomach gurgles from the Gatorade that I'm drinking, my mind focuses on my idea of the Salmonella Cafe or better yet, The Botulism Bar & Grill.

It would be quaint with very minimal lines and models everywhere, wanting to shed weight at the drop of a hat. They would order with a cigarette dangling from their pouty lips, "Yes, I'm on Atkins too, so I'll have ONE piece of sushi. Hold the rice; just give me the piece of yellowtail. How long has it been in the sun? 3 hours? Great, I have to lose 4 pounds before Friday; I only need a mild case. The acid in my diet coke won't affect anything right?"

Another would ask, "Yes...your cook hasn't washed his hands recently has he? I just got back from vacation, and I need to lose 10 pounds in 3 days. Will the E Coli tossed salad (hehehe) take care of that? It will? Grreeeeeeaat, I'll have that with the thousand island that's been sitting out for 2 days. Could I get the dressing on the side? You're a lamb. You have to come to our next party."

All would flock to my cafe to shed those pounds and tighten those abs up (trust me...mine are tight as a virgin). There would be brown bags with the plastic lining (you know, the ones like on the airlines that you can roll up) for those that get hit fast. Toilets would be immaculately clean, and the attendants would make so much money that kids leaving college would want to work there (once they got used to the smell of vomit).

I think that this might be a money maker kids; look for my grand opening in NY or LA soon!

Oh yeah, don't forget to order the creme brulee sprinkled with tapeworm eggs...you want to stay thin right?

deutschmarc

P.S. Looks like I'm not going down to that college town this weekend. I'll have to hunt for MH05 another time!