Hey, It’s for Charity or Did I Make Out with You on the Patio?

Happy Monday! First off, Mom didn’t come with me to the dart benefit, which meant that I could drink my face off. I did…oh yes I did…

Sold all the Jello shots, which I thought was amazing considering the turnout. Won a bottle of liquor in a raffle. Think I manhandled some strippers, and I know I danced with drag queens.

Seth called me yesterday to see how I was doing. Told him I was crusty through and through. He then told me that I had made out with some random on the patio at Kobalt. Don’t remember that at all. Not a good sign.

So now the question is who was this guy (if people are not f’ing with me)? Which leads to other questions, such as, what was the hot factor? How old?

Not pretty.

Think I am still paying for it today…the hangover I mean.

Then there was the straightish guy. He is into drag queens and trannies. Think I caught a ride with him from Cruisin…that’s when things started getting fuzzy. Ended up at Kobalt for the drag show…had a good time (I think). Lol

Anyway..that was my Saturday.

Remember to kiss responsibly.

DM

The Morning After Mardi Gras or Hey Can I Flirt With Your Date??

Okay, so I had to peddle jello shots last night, so I dressed in my best sales gear i.e. tight pair of dark low rise jeans, micro briefs, a kinda meshy t-shirt in olive green (to make my eyes really dazzle potential customers), and the ole Gucci belt. The shirt was so tight that I didn't breathe for most of the night for fear that my stomach would pooch out a bit. Needless to say, sold all the shots...

Flirted with a Daddy Bear type shamelessly, so much so that his dart teammates told him that he needed to be good because he is in a relationship. We gave each other a big hug after the games. "I could smell the roadhouse whiskey on his breath...and I liked it.......I liked it." (Carrie reference)

Anyway, flirted with another really cute guy. Too bad he was on a date with an acquaintance of mine---Whooooooops...my bad.

Then, 23 stumbles into the bar...and 46 (my ex) showed up...HELLO awkward!!! 23 looked me up and down and whispered in my ear, "Tomorrow. My place. 8 o'clock. Your donkey (okay he used the other word) is mine." Schaaawing (bringing it back...Party on) Woof! 23 has some cajones on him. I smiled, lifted my tray, looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Maybe." Then I turned and walked away, looking back, and catching him checking out my posterior (had to use that word).

So I stumble home..after 46 buys me a cocktail (Stoli Blueberry Rocks----that's how I roll). Don't think I finished it.

Made a couple of tuna sandwhiches (no idea at what time. Do know that I only ate half of one and put the rest in the fridge). Then I had to put the chili on for tonights dinner....mmmm chili....lots of cheese....mmmm. I love slow cookers.

So that was my night in a nutshell.

46 left a message to go out to dinner or hang out sometime. Just texted him back. Really not in the mood to talk to anyone today. Really crusty around the edges.

Didn't even flirt with cute HP guy today. Sad thing is that I don't think that I'm up for a session with 23 tonight....way too hungover.

OOOhhh...my future ex husband that works at Charlie's was all dolled up in Fat Tuesday attire. Flirted with me and wanted me to go over to Chuck's with him, but I definitely needed to get home. Hope to see him soon...such a little hottie.

Hope y'all had a great Mardi Gras!

P.S. Remember to flirt responsibly...(yeah right).

Best Wishes and Kisses,

DM

"The Office" Party or Hey is That Tequila in a Baby Food Jar?

So my photographer friend, Samantha, invited me to her place (which is really far away--OK and I hate driving, especially in rush hour), for a party honoring the show "The Office".

I was reluctant to go, but felt that I needed to show more support for my friend who moved to the Boonies (which I will never forgive her for doing--love ya kid). So stayed at work late on a Friday to miss rush hour to get to my friend's house in some kind of easy commute. WRONG--- traffic was still hideous when I left to make the long distance journey (around 45 miles...ick).

I map quested the drive (big mistake...ended up on some 2 lane road...what city has 2 lane roads...it was like I was in The Shining or something. All I needed was wispy, white snow flakes to be gently wiped from my car windows). So I made my way through the urban country, with its lack of streetlights and horrible signage, and amazingly, I was the first to arrive.

Samantha, a mother of an adorable little girl, was in a frazzle as she was running late. She was making chicken enchiladas and was slowly working herself into a freak out. I had to step up and help out. She grabbed a beer and offered me one, which I of course, took gratefully. Then she offered me a shot of tequila and triple sec. Me, not being able to turn down a shot, said, "Hell Yeah."

She reached into the fridge to pull out the chilled shots, which were in....






Wait for it.....






Wait for it......





Almost here......



in BABY FOOD jars. Serious here folks...baby.food.jars. I started laughing, popped the lids, combined the alcohol in one baby food jar, and did the shot without even tearing up. I turned to her and said, "Damn...wish they had that kind of baby food when I was a kid."

The rest of the night was really nice, meeting people, talking to Samantha's sister (who got her ass felt up by yours truly--accidentally of course), and eating a great meal. Oh..there was also The Office TV game we played, which was okay if I ever watched the show.

Moral of the Post: As we all get older and settle into more placid lives, it's still important to remember that we all can use a little baby food every now and then.

Well, I have darts tonight, so a story may come out of it or not...we'll see.

All My Love,

DM

WOW...Can't Believe It's Been So Long or It's So Hard To Say Bubye

OK OK OK OK OK...I know already. It's been forever and a day since I blogged.

So...here is what is going on. My mom is in remission. I am working at a large corporate entity and I deal with S.A.P.s (Stupid Ass Person) for most of my day. I have been through a relationship that ended pretty nastily, and I am not really following what I have really been wanting to do.

On the plus side...I get to take my sexual tension out on 23...the nick I've given the twenty-three year old who I've been booty-calling it with. Ironically, he's exactly half the age of my ex.

I am still on the dart league, but have become quite enamoured with World of Warcraft, making me a true Gaymer.

I haven't been going out a lot, but there is a dart benefit this weekend that I plan on schlepping "yummy" jello shots to people who will most likely be oogling my goodies for charity. Sad thing is that my mom wants to go to get out of the house. I can appreciate that and everything, but Poppa wants to get his drink on since the bar is stumbling distance from my house (LITERALLY).

As it stands, I have to pick her up and drop her off, sell shots and NOT drink.... This is hell on Earth. Hopefully she will be on her best behavoir and not tell everyone around her about each tiny medical issue she is going through. Thank God for gay back up. At least my peeps will be there.

So I really don't know what you want me to write...life has been pretty unexciting...although dating was fun for a bit.

I was reading through some of my old posts and thought, "Wow, I used to get in a bunch of trouble." Not so much anymore...kinda boring.

Seth is dating someone right now, which is awesome..OOOOOOOOOOooooh...thought process. Have a fun story for my next post.

You and You and Me Make Three - Or Fisticuffs and Shenanigans

I know, I KNOW...it has been a long time, and I’m really sorry for not writing sooner. Life tends to get away from me when I am in the thick of it.

So I have plenty of blogging material to get out…so…let me give you an idea of some posts that you will see in the future (that will also serve as a reminder to me).

You DO, But You Already Have. I DO Not. -- Or You May Now Kiss the Married Man

Was That a Roofie in My Drink – Or Thanks for the Missing Memories – Or Wasn’t I Wearing a Brokeback Tank-Top?

Is Star Wars a Straight Guy’s Aphrodisiac? – Or “I’ve Never Felt Like This Before…With Another Guy.”

And now on to this entry…

My friend Seth and I hit this bar that was one of our more irregular hangouts…

I was bored, looking over the crowd and seeing no one in particular that sparked any interest, when suddenly, what did my eyes settle on? There were two guys, sitting at the bar, checking me out.

I turned to Seth with a grin, and he asked me what was up. I smiled bigger and whispered, “See those two guys at the bar…Don’t look now…Okay, now you can look.” He nodded and I smiled while saying, “That is sooooooooo a three-way about to happen.”

Seth looked at me with a kind of “get over yourself” face, and I said, “Fine…if you don’t believe me.” Sure enough, within 2 minutes, one of them started walking over. I turned to Seth, cracked my interlaced fingers (palms down, like I was getting ready for a sporting event) and said, “Game on.”

Well…it ended up that I left, right in front of my ex (who was working security in the bar) to head over to the guys’ place. I, of course, asked Seth if it was okay to bail. I don’t like leaving a friend at the bar, but he had other entertainments and conversations.

So we got to their place and had a ROCKIN time. I got dressed and ready to go after “playtime” when they turned to me and asked, “Where are you going?” in unison. I told them that I had an early day with plenty to do so I should get going. They insisted that I should stay. So I dropped trou and jumped back into a very cozy bed.

The next morning I awoke and they asked me what I had planned for the day, after another ROCKIN play session. Well light-headed and happier than the cat that ate the canary, I agreed to hang out with them for the day.

We had a great time. We went out and played darts, drank beer, and had interesting, engaging conversation. It seemed that there was a cool dynamic between the three of us, and although they were a couple for five years, they were very cool with hanging out.

I evaluated that this could be a very good thing…or a very bad one (potentially). I liked both of them for very different reasons. One was very outgoing and funny (Mr. Outgoing). The other, introspective, glasses wearing, and well-timed with caustic remarks (Mr Iintrospective). If they would have been one person, I would have been utterly smitten. As it was…I liked both, but could never date either, singly.

After they had a brief conversation, they came over to me and informed me that they would like to date me. Now I am an, open-minded, full of caring kind of chap, so I figured, “Hey, let’s see how this goes.” The first thing that I told them was that it was either both or none. I was not there to break up their relationship. If it got weird or possessive or crazy at any time, I would be out of there. They felt the same.

So we had fun…in a very short time, Mr. Outgoing noticed that Mr. Introspective was taking more of a liking to me than he felt comfortable with. I mean, I had a car, a good job, and a bigger apartment, and Mr. Outgoing was feeling threatened. I assured him that it was either both or neither, and he was very cool about my involvement and was certain that I was not going to bust up the relationship.

Well one night, after darts, I get a call from Mr. O. He said that we all needed to talk, so I went over to their cramped apartment after darts and to my surprise, they wanted to have a committed relationship with me (apparently, they didn’t like the idea that I could bolt for my own relationship with someone at any time). I told them that we should probably take this slow as it was a new experience for all of us, but they could be certain that I would not be picking anyone up in the future. Hello…I had my hands full with two guys….why add another in the mix?

Mr. O kind of freaked that night because he was feeling insecure about Mr. I’s interest in me. It was all hashed out, and as I got ready to go to let them discuss amongst themselves, they both looked at me like I was committing the foulest of sins.

“You’re not going are you?”
“Well, yeah, I have a busy day tomorrow.”
“Why don’t you stay?”

Nuff said. Had another ROCKIN time and crashed out, only to be awoken by the strangest alarm clock EVER.

I came awake in the morning to the sound of flesh hitting flesh as the guys were dukin’ it out. I yelled, “What the hell is going on?!” in a voice that even surprised me. They stopped fighting and it all came out. It seems that Mr. I. was really grooving on me and Mr. O. did not like it one bit. I told them that I liked both of them, but Mr. O did not like the fact that Mr. I could start having deeper feelings for me so quickly.

I tried to diffuse the situation as best as I could, but nothing was getting through to Mr. O I finished getting ready, turned to them and stated, “This is what I was afraid of happening. I told you both from the very beginning that if there was any weirdness or jealousy or anything that made me uncomfortable, I would be out. Do not call me or contact me. I hope that you can make your relationship work.” After my tirade, I left and immediately called Stef to tell her what happened and that I was awoken to Fisticuffs and Shenanigans (which immediately became part of our vocab).

Moral of the story…hell this one doesn’t really have a moral…but remember…careful what you wish for…you may get it and good.

So if I was to be in a 3-way relationship (or triad relationship – as they are called), it would have to be with business professionals (I am thinking an architect, who owns his own firm and his partner who owns an art gallery) who are committed to finding a third and all the cards are out on the table. Maybe if I am more specific it may occur…Right?

Anyway, Scorpios have more fun…and apparently witness Fisticuffs and Shenanigans more than other signs.

All my love,

DM

Brokeback Mountain, It's Australian for G'Bye, Mate - or the Bane of My Existence

So the Australian is out...
Congratulations, you're out of the running to become Deutshmarc's Next Top Hottie...

Basically, it all came down to Brokeback Mountain, the new bane of my gay existence. If you haven't seen it or heard about it...let me detail it for you:

The movie is about 2 cowpokes who meet in 1963 and have a relationship that spans from their early 20's to about mid 40's (maybe 50's). They live hetero lives, but hook up in big sky country every year to reaffirm their love for one another. They never get together in a gay relationship due to the social pressures. One is murdered and the other pines away for his lost lover.

It's billed as a "Great American Love Story." It is NOT A LOVE STORY... it is a tragedy about love, and it is skewing the voice of the gay community in my area.

My friend Seth has been bummed for over 2 weeks now, thinking that he is going to die alone, and I've heard the same sentiments reverberating through the community.

All I can say is that IT IS NOT 1963; WE DON'T LIVE IN BIG SKY COUNTRY; WE CAN SPEAK THE NAME OF THE LOVE YOU DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME; WE ARE NOT COWBOYS HERDING SHEEP IN THE SUMMERS ON BROKEBACK F' N MOUNTAIN, FOR THE MOST PART.

Okay, now that I've said my piece...Australian guy comes over way too early for my taste on Saturday night.

He has shaved his chest smooth, so no pectoral cacti for me, but of course, he couldn't shave his face (or his back for that matter), so I ended up with red face after every makeout session.

After we had "wrestled" twice, he became introspective and turned to me saying, "Deutshmarc, I really like you. I want you to be a part of my life. I hope I'm not moving to fast (HELLO, we've gotten together 3 times...that's fast if you ask me), but that movie Brokeback Mountain has really gotten into my head."

I sat there, in bed, mouth open in shock...He just didn't pull the Brokeback Mountain card, did he?

He continued, "After seeing that movie, I realize that you need to go for what you want in life, and I want you to be a part of mine."

Okay, I was flattered a little, and a little weirded out, but hey, being outside of my comfort zone is a good thing. Usually I dated emotionally unavailable guys...

I told him that I like to take things slow and see where things are going. He agreed with my perspective and we wrestled again.

Then he droned on about Brokeback again... I couldn't handle it, so I tried to pull the ole "Holy crap, it's my friend's birthday party and I forgot all about it." I called and texted a couple of friends to try to have them get me out of this situation before I lost it. IT'S A MOVIE for f*&^ks sake.

Needless to say, my friends weren't my wingmen that night, although I do have to give props to Seth, who did call me back 2 hours later (He was in a movie).

So I had to settle in and spend the night with the Australian Groper. I said goodnight and was immediately crushed into the spoon position. I fell asleep (it's amazing one can do that when needles aren't poking in one's back), only to be awakened an hour later to gropie grope groperson, wanting to wrassle again. Fine...I can handle round 3 or 4 whatever.

Go back to sleep, only to be pawed again. I was through...I was tired and getting cranky

This happened about 2 more times throughout the long night...and I almost went for the knife in the kitchen...

Luckily, I forgot to turn off my alarm, so it went off bright and early on Sunday morning (6:30 to be exact). I jumped out of bed with a vigor that only freedom, and turning out a trick can provide. He looked at me and asked, "Why do you have your alarm set so early on a Sunday."

I was brilliantly quick, "Because every Sunday I work out with a friend of mine, so I have to pop in the shower and get ready to go." Mind you, I don't work out at all (other than the vanity pushups before going out to the bar), so this was a stretch in the old wardrobe department. I pulled on some nylon track pants and a t-shirt.

Aussie looked at my shoes (Kenneth Cole slide on black loafers) and asked, "You're not going to work out in those are you?"

"No," with a chuckle, "I left my shoes in the back of my friend's car."

Long story short, went to Starbuck's after he left, called Stef and proceeded to bitch to her about how Brokeback is going to be the bane of my existence. She was shocked that I was up that early on a Sunday...She figured it was one of the signs of the apocolypse.

Take the message from fictional movies, but don't let them cripple your lives or lower your standards.

Love DM

When it Rains it Pours - or Get Out I'm Tired

Greetings Everyone,

So I haven't really written anything since I came back from that most fantastic seminar. I needed to connect with the new me.

For all of you that know me, I didn't really date that often, or contrary to popular illusion, I didn't get much action either. My ex says that I have Pretty High School Girl Syndrome (PHSGS) - that everyone assumes that the Pretty High School Girl has a boyfriend or dates like crazy, but in all honesty, spends her Friday night doing her hair. I didn't know whether to be offended or not...but took it as a compliment nonetheless.

Well Chickadees, things have changed for me in a big way. I don't want to jinx anything, but my cup runneth over big time, and sleep has been as elusive as the leprechaun from the Lucky Charms commercials.

Where to start...where to start...

Let's begin with the Australian Ex-Navy Officer. He's 6'5'' 235 lbs and very complimentary, and doesn't let me get much sleep...wink wink...he's a physical therapist, so you know Poppa (me) is going to work it to get a stellar massage.

Then there's the ASU Baseball player, frat boy, studying to be a doctor, who is absolutely a great guy...You can call me Mr. Robinson at this point... "Would you like me to seduce you? Is that what you're telling me?"

There is Charles, who owns his own business, and wants to take me out on a full fledged date. CRAZY...

Then there's Nick, who really liked my watch and wants to go out soon.

Lastly, there's James, a blast from the past, who came across my number again after moving and clearing out paperwork. He's in computer network implementation, and another tall one. 6'1'' 245 lbs, blond and essentially is an amatuer bodybuilder with a wild streak that makes me blush.

So I am blown away with the caliber of guys that I am meeting lately. Who knew that there were so many fantastic guys in Arizona.

When it rains it pours...but this particular post is about the Australian...

He came over one night, after we had gone out on a date...I might add...and one thing led to another. Okay, I admit it; I'm a sucker for compliments, especially when they are delivered with an Australian accent.

So there I was in a pair of low-rise levis, a tight little ringer, with an Aussie who wanted to rock my jock. How could I say no?

It was late on a Sunday evening and he invited himself to spend the night...Luckily, the accent worked or I would have turned his ass out, with that kind of presumption.

One thing led to another at about 11 PM, and now I know how a marathon runner feels...

So all is said and done, and it's about 2:30 AM, and I needed to get some sleep before I had to head out to work. Aussie tells me that he has to be out the door at 4:00 AM, because he had to pick up some mates from the airport. I should have kicked him out then...

Aussie liked to spoon, and he is a groomer, so he gets waxed frequently. The problem ensued when his waxer went out of town, and he wasn't able to take care of business. Needless to say, the man would pull me to him, and my back would have the lovely experience of being pushed into a cactus. His new growth would drive into my skin like a torturous overdose of acupuncture.

My back started itching, and I would awake, sweaty, with extreme annoyance and slide away. Only to be brought back into the land of pincushion. I couldn't sleep through it. I used every mind trick to overcome the prickly sensation, and would try to creep away, slyly again...Only to feel arms around me bringing me back... It was hell.

THEN, he would wake up and try to go at it again...What 4 times wasn't enough for you? Bastard, let me sleep...

Just I was going to say, "Get up, get dressed, and get the hell out!" My alarm clock went off, and he left after getting himself together.

I got two hours of sleep and went to work grumbling, yet satiated...

I have talked to him again, and went over my cacti issues, and he assured me that there would be no issue on our next date. EXCELLENT. He had me at, "G'day."

So more to come kids...

And remember, you're only a whore if you charge!

Holy Great Weekend Batman - or My New Life

Okay everyone...I didn't drink the Kool-Aid...No matter what you think about this next entry. I promise!

This weekend I went to a seminar. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself in my life. It was an absolutely amazing experience that grounded me, energized me, and gave me the sense of self that I have not had since I was a child.

Before you all get crazy... It is not a cult. The doors were open at all times, and anyone could leave. There was no request for donations. I paid for the seminar, and it had a money back guarantee. Now that all of this is out of the way, let me tell you how I've changed, and use this blog for a goal that I had set for myself.

The premise of the seminar is self growth, and from what had heard of it, the people would be out hugging trees at any moment. I was not impressed. I was a man of analytical, skeptical proportions. I had to see quantifiable, tangible proof, and I did.

I reunited with my ex's aunt one day, and remembering the person I knew, I was completely, utterly, and absolutely blown-away. The woman I now met was joyous, bouyant, powerful, and for lack of a better word at that time, glowing.

I asked my ex what happened...what did she do? He said that it was this seminar. There was my proof, so I went this weekend and experienced a life altering event. I am joyous. I am bouyant. I am powerful, and I am glowing.

So on to my goal... I want to share with everyone how much the people in my life have meant to me (in no particular order):

Elfie: Thank you for giving me the life that I now have. You are strong, loving, and giving. Thank you for passing that on to me and helping me through the tough times in my life.

Janet: Your joy and laughter have been a comfort that has helped me grow and added to my life in ways that you cannot comprehend. Thank you for making me the man that I am.

Shannon: Thank you for your love. Making me a part of your family and Uncle to your children shows a trust in me that I had forgotton I had. Thank you for believing in me and helping me to find that trust in familial love again.

Christine: Your humor has taught me that life is serious enough to dwell on. We all need to laugh and move away from negative. Thank you for helping my humor and teaching me that.

Billy: Your confidence and love for me is something I always took for granted, because I believed that you were required to have those feelings for me. Thank you for teaching me that I deserve that love and that I am a wonderful person.

Steve: Your unconditional love is a cornerstone in my life. You have made me grow without my realization. Your constant, stable, loving friendship has opened another door of trust for me. I will always be grateful.

Christy: Thank you for your emotional honesty. You have always been down on yourself for crying at the drop of a hat. Please never stop. You have taught me that being emotional is great, that being in touch with my emotions is freeing, no matter how much it seems to hurt at the time. Thank you for being a stunning example of how to truly feel.

Shelley: Your creativity and talent are intense. Thank you for teaching me that I can do anything I want to. You are a living truth in bravery, and are a joy in my life.

Sondra: Honesty. One word describing what you've given me. I had been hiding for so long in thinking that I was honest. Thank you for showing me what honesty is in all facets of life. You are a great teacher.

Polly: Thank you for your sense of balance. You have a great blend of humor, professionalism, joy, and party girl. I have learned what balance is from your energy. Thank you for being in my life, and so incredible that I met a friend for life at the seminar. I instantly cliqued with her because she had your energy.

Randy: This is a strong thank you! When I was younger, I always had a great time being the true me, anywhere I went. You have brought that out in me. I am so grateful, and know that I'm right on when you say that I need a therapist. My job is done when your stomach hurts from laughter. Thank you for being you and sharing that energy with me.

Erin: Your loyalty and comraderie is incredible. Thank you for showing that quick connections can last a lifetime.

Kim: You came into my life just when I needed to be brought out of my shell. Thank you for showing that first moves can bring a friend into one's life forever. I love you, and met someone amazing by taking a first step through your example.

Jason: Empathy is so strong in you. You have taught me that listening is more important than hearing. Thank you for opening my mind and ears.

Mark: You have shown me commitment through the example of your life. Thank you for showing me success in relationships and career. You are a mentor to me and I don't think you know that. Thank you, my teacher.

Lisa: Thank you for being a giver. You give without a thought or consequence, which equals unconditional love. You are one of the keystones of the universe. I love you.

Mel: Your intuition is something you follow. It is real and tangible and valid. Thank you for that reminder. My inner self thanks you too.

Frank: Thank you for your smile, because it shows how easy-going you truly are. You have taught me that being friendly to someone you don't know is a risk, but becomes easier each time you open yourself up to it. Thank you for making me remember being a kindergardner on his first day of school.

Carol: You're a dynamo! You are giving without even knowing it, through the energy you project. Thank you for your strength. I have learned so much about positivity and acceptance from you.

I could keep going on for days about how all of you have affected me in positive ways. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You are the teachers in my life, which thanks to the seminar I went to, has truly started again.

Each one of you is fantastic in countless ways. I cannot wait to talk to you and see each one of you to tell you personally how much you mean to me and my life, and because of your influence I will be a success!

All my love.

Endangered Animals or War, HUH, Good God Y'all...

As I was reading the news about Bush and the war in Iraq, I realized that the American public is susceptible to savvy marketing and promises from those in power. I thought to myself, “How can people believe this guy. He should be in jail for starting a war that would benefit his cronies as Iraq is ‘stabilized.’”

This brings me to a campaign that I started in high school. It was to save an endangered species in China, which was being mercilessly slaughtered for its hide. This animal was on the verge of extinction, and I was a one-man animal rights activist for this aquatic animal.

The animal was the elusive Naga…and it was completely fictitious, although China imported many Nagahyde products to the USA.

It took awhile for the idea to catch on, although my pandering for the rights of the Chinese Naga included a poster (of a manatee like creature with a steer's head – down to the horns) and examples of Nagahyde products.

It was surprising how easy it was to convince my classmates of the dire straits of this victimized creature, and I would rattle of facts as fast as they would ask me for information.

Before I knew it I had over 100 signatures supporting rights of the Naga. It was exciting, and incredibly sad that I had conned some of the brightest people I had ever met into believing that the Emperor’s new clothes could be seen.

Reading the news today…I realize that as a populous, Americans have been frightened, shocked, and questioned about their patriotism to believe in Nagas to help fiscally benefit those who will and have been awarded contracts to rebuild Iraq.

Let me be clear:

I support every soldier that has suffered through this war. They have done their duty to the fullest. I believe in the courage of these soldiers to make America a safer place.

I do not support this war that still rages, keeping people away from their families and increasing the deficit at an alarming rate, not to mention the death toll. “We” were after Osama, and got lost in the media blitz about WMDs and Saddam’s “plans” to attack the USA.

So when all is said and done, and those in power now get fatter and fatter on the revenue they stand to gain…I won’t say that I told you so…but I told you so.

Don’t believe in Nagas kids, not until you’ve done research to see if they actually exist.

Strip Darts??-or Hey Did You Bring Gay Back Up?

Okay…so my date…Not too impressed…

I realized the MLH (Mega Latin Hottie) is more like LSSH (Latin So-So Hottie). We had already set up the date and time to play some darts at a bar that I don’t like to frequent often, because there is too much attitude for my liking.

Anyway, I got a call on Friday from MLH, and he informed me that a girlfriend of his wanted to play darts so they were going to the bar around 10:00-10:30, and then he asked me if I wanted to meet them out. HELLO..didn’t we have a date? Did I sniff too many white-out bottles when I was a receptionist? Did I eat too many paint chips as a kid? Every conversation we had led up to our Friday date…

I took it in stride, and told him to call me when he was on the way to the bar (they were going to cab it).

I got a call a little later, and he told me that they were going to a different bar, which happened to be another one my ex frequents regularly. I told him that it might be uncomfortable if we went there, but then I rethought it and said that it was fine (MLH had to choose the 2 bars that my ex frequents).

I get another call a little later saying that he and his friend were on their way. I called a cab and jetted up to the bar. Since I used to go to this bar a lot, I knew about half of the patrons, and the cocktail server gave me a big hug and asked me how I was doing (right in front of MLH-HA I'm popular). The bartender, who knows me by name (of course) got my drink, and after I had my lovely libation, I sauntered into the side room to meet up with my “date.”

Imagine, to my surprise, when I found out that he brought 2 (yes two) LESBIAN friends on our “date.” I was a little mortified. He brought gay back up. I was left out to dry. They were talking and chatting each other up as I sat there, not saying a word. HOLY UNCOMFORTABLE BATMAN.

Just as I was about to chalk it up and call it a night…I had a change of heart and thought to myself, “I am going to change this situation around and have a good time no matter what.” So, being any good gay man, I bought a round of drinks, and we all began to play darts.

Long story short…I won 2 out of 3 (which meant the loser had to pony up for drinks for the winner- 2 free drinks - YAY - the night was already getting better).

We went to the lesbian bar down the street, and LSSH (which is the new title I gave him after that night) paid for my cover. I got hit on by a lesbian, got the only male bartender’s attention for a little gay guy who was being ignored by the 2 angry lesbians working the bar. LSSH’s friends were asking what was up (after about 5 shots; their tongues had loosened up a bit - hehehe - lesbians with loose tongues), and if I was interested in their friend. I said, “Hell yeah, but that he was being skittish around me.” They said it was because I was really hot and tall – swear…not pumping myself up here.

I did look good that night. Low rise jeans, tight long sleeved shirt with sleeves pushed back, Kenneth Cole loafers and my Gucci belt (Lovely).

I hit it off great with LSSH’s friends (who took off without telling him, leaving him in my care). I poured him into a cab after a little make-out session and took a cab home myself, after promising to call him the next day (AFTER HIS REQUEST-important note).

Saturday I called him and left a message, and didn’t hear back from him until yesterday. I think he invoked the 3 Day Rule…which is stupid, because he wanted me to call him. He said that we should go out again. I said that could be fun. If we go out again, I decided that he needs to be the one who initiates it. I won’t be calling him first, so I hope he isn’t holding his breath.

More stories to come kids, and remember, when life gives you lesbians, make lesbian-aides.