Martinis Make You Drunk and Say Stupid Things

So there I was, at this party with my roommate Seth. Robbie had thrown out his back again (wonder what, or who, he was doing..hehe), so he didn't make it to the party.

Seth was the Martini Master for the evening, and before I knew it I had 3, then 4, then 5, then 6. I was pretty much in the bag, and was chatting with everyone (knowing in my drunken mind that I was good party guest...right...). Anyway before I know it I am on my 8th martini (Hello, Betty Ford, this is deutschmarc. Do you have anything open next week?). Of course, I had to spill some of it on the guy I had just met that evening and more of it on myself...Party Foul alert.


The party had moved to the kitchen, and everyone was laughing and having a good time, when one of the guests stumbled in and slurred something that no one understood. It happened then... It was that ~Golden Moment~ (you know the one, where everyone is kinda silent, waiting for the next thing to be said.), and I jumped on it. I was going to be the wittiest one there. In that brief drunken instant, I was going to be the funniest guy on earth...hell the universe. I saw it; all would love my humor. I would be king, with one small statement that I had used in the past, and would use now.

What I was going to say was, "Everyone stand back, I SPEAK DRUNK fluently." Commenting on the guy who just had slurred something inconsequential.

After 8 martinis, my oral dyslexia kicked in something fierce, and what I said, will live in the annals of verbal diarrhea for the rest of my days...and then probably longer.

Right at that ~Golden Moment~, I said, "Everyone stand back, I DRINK SPUNK...fluently." (F'n Hell)

I clapped my hands over my mouth (hoping that I had snatched my statement out of the air, shoving it back in my piehole), and immediately started laughing, trying to explain what I meant to say...

Needless to say, it didn't matter; the Golden Moment was tarnished with the filthy statement that came out of my mouth...an instant classic, that I know I'll never live down.

I can't help but laugh, and dial Betty Ford...

Enjoy your cocktails kids,

deutschmarc