She's One Cool Mama

Okay, so my mom called me today to see how I was doing... Irony, because I moved back here because she has stage 3 cancer, and I wanted to be as close as possible (hence my reason for being in this hell hole), and I should be asking how she's doing...

I have to tell you (even though Nancy Boys tend to have a thing about being a "Momma's Boy") that my mother is by far the coolest mom on this earth! You may think that your mom can kick my mom's ass, but read this story and I dare you to say so...

So there I was, in high school, with my first boyfriend over, "watching" MTV and making out like two kiss bandits holding up the makeout bank. My mom worked nights, so there was no danger of being caught without prior warning.

I have to tell you, we were going at it..heavy duty..when we see my mom's headlights pulling into the driveway. We immediately separate, miming endless TV enjoyment, with both hands in our laps like good christian boys.

My mom comes in and says, "Hey boys, what have you been up to?"

My boyfriend replies, "Nothing...just watching some MTV."

My mom walks right over to us, grabs my face in her hand, squeezes my cheeks so hard that I look like a hamster and yells at my boyfriend, "LIAR...YOU'RE A LIAR!!! LOOK AT MY SON'S FACE!"

What we didn't think about is that we were making out for an hour...My boyfriend would get 5 o'clock shadow 2 minutes after he shaved.

My face had to have been redder than a fire truck that's been newly painted...

Still having my face in her hand, and shaking my head rapidly, she continues to dress him down, "NEXT TIME YOU MAKE OUT WITH MY SON, HAVE THE DECENCY TO SHAVE."

She then let go of me, walked to her bedroom saying, "I'm going to bed, you boys have a good night and stay out of trouble."

My boyfriend looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're mom is the coolest person around."

Don't I know it, Kid. Don't I know it...